WebedtecH

I recently received a question from a parent about how it would be best to manage and filter their child’s web site explorations at home.  Here’s my response:

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Sit down with your child at the computer and ask him to teach you about Webkinz and Neopets and the other sites he is interested in.  Don’t take it from the position of evaluating the sites but rather from a sincere interest in learning more about them and what he is interested.  By doing that you will gain several things:

1. You will have a better understanding of these virtual worlds and the types of interactions that can happen in them, both positive and negative.
2. You will be able to spend some time and observe his/her interactions with the games and see what aspects of them he tends towards.  Boys by nature gravitate to more action-oriented sections of games where girls traditionally gravitate to puzzles and interactive environments.  (Of course there are always exceptions to the rule).
3. Gaming environments can be very engaging, especially if a child has a vivid imagination or tends to get immersed in things easily.  Compare his game reactions to the reactions he has to movies and cartoons.  Are they similar, stronger, or weaker?
4. Look for common themes in the types of characters he/she chooses to play.  If he/she chooses one over another, don’t hesitate to ask him why.  There may be commonalities in his decisions, such as powerful versus weak, a specific look, gender association, etc.
5. This may be the biggest stretch for you…but ask him/her to help you set up your own characters and take you through the world.  Aside from it being good quality time you will be establishing credibility with him when it comes time to execute parental control on worlds and places he should not be entering.  Do not hesitate to try the sites he is visiting on your own when he is not around.  The more you learn about the sites the better off you will be.
6. Check in with him.  Every so often ask him/her how his characters are doing (make a point to learn the character names and the names he/she gave them).

There are systems available that can be used to filter web sites from kids (we use one at the school called OpenDNS [http://www.opendns.com] that is free and provides a great deal of control at the machine level.  However, no technological solution can replace building the understanding between you and he as to the types of things you consider appropriate and not.

The sites he/she has identified so far are known kids sites and many have protections in place for child safety.  (Gaia is targeted for PG-13 so I’d recommend against that.)  Most sites that draw kids will have some sort of parental information available easily from their home page.

He/she will want to explore and try new things, that is a given.  Working with him/her is the best solution in preparing him/her to be responsible as he/she grows on the internet.  I equate it to when he/she starts to drive.  The driving lessons will be invaluable since at some point he’ll have to leave the parking lot.

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Comments?

Marc Fisher - In Cyberspace, Everyone Can Hear You Scream - washingtonpost.com

“It used to be you could have an inappropriate or rude conversation with someone, and it would stay private,” says Ron McClain, director of the Parkmont School in the District and the parent of teenagers in the Montgomery County schools. “There’s a much fuzzier line between public and private now. This is a case where the technology has outpaced our ability to cope with its effects. As parents, we’re way behind.”

In what possible way was the fact of being able to have an ill-tempered, rude, abusive conversation in private a good thing?  Personally I find no fault with the student in this and all with the spouse.  You cannot respond to a student in that way…ever.  It’s not acceptable, it’s irresponsible, and in this case with it being left on a home answering machine, stupid.  What kind of an example is being set by this?  Perhaps the glaring light of the internet will focus now on the correct behaviors and make people think twice before roaring off on their own emotional tirades when students are involved.

Here’s some excerpt from a fascinating article about the perception many kids have about adults they know entering their world of Facebook, MySpace, and social networking:

Gary Rudman, a California-based
youth market researcher, has heard the complaints. He regularly
interviews young people who think it’s “creepy” when an older person —
we’re talking someone they know — asks to join their social network as
a “friend.” It means, among other things, that they can view each
others’ profiles and what they and their friends post.

“It would be like a 40-year-old attending the prom or a frat party,” Rudman says. “It just doesn’t work.”

Better yet, how about this:

Lauren Auster-Gussman, a freshman at Juniata College in Pennsylvania,
says it’s particularly awkward when one of her parents’ friends asks to
join her social network. She thinks Facebook should only be used by
people younger than, say, 40.

“I mean, I’m in college,” she says. “There are bound to be at least
a few drunken pictures of me on Facebook, and I don’t need my parents’
friends seeing them.”

The question becomes how do we handle it?  Like this?:

Sue Frownfelter, a 46-year-old mom in Flint, Mich.,
thinks it’s less of an issue for parents who discover technology with —
or even before — their children. Among other things, she has a blog,
uses Twitter and has a Chumby, a personal Internet device that displays anything from news and weather to photos and eBay auctions.

Her children, ages 9 and 11, begged her to allow them to have a MySpace page, because she does. Instead, she suggested Imbee.com, a social networking site for kids that allows parental monitoring.

It’s a tough area with no clear answers.  As I’ve posted before, it’s all about building the trusting relationship between your children and you and finding the happy medium that works for both.  I have a Facebook account and I am on my daughters account as a friend and she is on mine.  It was part of our original agreement of her being able to sign up for Facebook.  While I can use it to see what she has posted and what she’s sharing, the purpose is more to show a mutual respect of watching out for each other.

Youth vs. adults in gadget wars - Yahoo! News

After watching the Frontline special on “Growing up online” I’ve come to realize the core of the issues, whether it’s social networking, cyberbullying, stalkers, or any other forms of nastiness boil down to one thing…trust.

We can spend all our money and time building moats and walls around our children, screening their friends, and spying on their every move but it will be to no avail. Kids are far smarter about technology than even we give them credit and will find the ways necessary to access what they want. Take basic precautions but better is the time spent building the trusting relationships with your kids so they are comfortable sharing their online world with you. If you don’t understand something and they do, ask them to teach you. If you don’t know, find out. They’re your kids after all…what else do you have to do but spend time and money investing in their welfare and well-being.

Teachers are in the same circumstance. Often we spend more time with the kids than the parents do during the week. Don’t be the 30-year tenured dinosaur reveling in your technical illiteracy. You may not know it all, but you do know how to communicate with kids. Help them to feel comfortable communicating with you.

I watched the Frontline show with my 15 year old daughter (I highly recommend everyone watch it with a teenager for a realistic perspective) and at the end when the one kid said he would not give his mother his Facebook password I asked her “So why do you give me your usernames and passwords when I ask?” I half expected the answer, “Because I have to.” The real answer was…”Because I trust you.”

Running a household of five can be disorganized and distracting at best.  ZenHabits posted an article about creating a family binder that I think we’ll give a try:

What goes in the family binder? Anything you need. Here are some ideas (including some that I use) — but you should feel free to customize it as needed:

Emergency info: Phone numbers for your doctor and
pediatrician, emergency numbers for fire and police and hospital and
poison control, other important numbers.

Important info: Social security numbers for your kids, health insurance info, anything else you need to refer to frequently.

Important docs:  Birth certificates, marriage license, insurance stuff, shot records, etc.

Weekly menu: Plan out your weekly dinners for the next week or two.

Family calendar: I actually use Gcal, but if you prefer a written calendar that anyone can look at, insert it into the Family Binder.

Recipes: Your family’s favorites, which makes it easier to make the shopping list once you’ve done the weekly menu.

Gift ideas: write down ideas for birthdays and Christmas as they come up.

Reading/watching lists: books, dvds, cds, other things you want to buy/rent.

Checklists: any checklists that help you remember things: packing lists, chores lists, car maintenance schedule, etc.

Finances: your budget, spending log, bills to pay, etc.

School stuff: school calendars, newsletters, any other papers that come in.

Ideas: I print out lists of activities I like to do with the kids, and other idea lists. Stuff from Zen Habits would be ideal.

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